Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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