Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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