well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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