I'm really into asian looking animals
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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