Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
