epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
