did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
