I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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