I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
