As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
