i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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