I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
