also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
