Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
