you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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