i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
