it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
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