I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
