Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
