Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
