To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
