dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
