OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
