You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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