Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
