I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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