Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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