I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize