Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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