Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
