He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
