would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
