this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
