why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
