I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
