So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
