you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize