her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
