It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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