In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
