Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
