Whod you bang
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
