these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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