I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
