Duck Duck Cougar?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
