They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
