just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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