I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
