glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
