i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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