So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
