Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
