It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
