K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
