Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize