shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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