i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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