I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
