how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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