i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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