you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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