I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
...so i touched it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
