Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
