My underwear smells like fireworks.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
