someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize