her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
