All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
