I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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