what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize