I just found puke in my bra..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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