Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
