I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize