I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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