Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
